I had a coaching meeting this morning with a manager who is distressed about problems at work.

Afterwards I tried to distil the factors that make a coaching session effective. Here's what I concluded:

Take charge

Create a secure environment which is comfortable and private. Generally that's an office with a closed door and no distractions. Turn off the phone.

Sit facing the individual, no desk between you.

Pay attention

Let go of the important things that you've been busy with.

Take a moment before the session to close your eyes, and attune yourself 100% to the person.

Look and really see

Eye-contact is not about looking at the person's eyes. Its looking into them, past the pupils, to their soul.

In other words, becoming completely open to how they feel and think.

Make honesty safe

Corporate culture often discourages people from telling it straight, so what they first talk about may not be exactly what's troubling them.

But listen intently, with an open mind, and you will hear the true issues.

Let go of expectations

A coach's starting point is to let go of expectations, to accept the person just as they are.

And to believe that they are capable of finding solutions to their dilemmas.

Don't be brilliant

If you're working hard to be really smart, you will miss the most important things the person is saying.

You don't have to have the answers.

It's helpful to reflect back to them what you're hearing. And to wonder out loud how best to handle their situation.

But in the long run, your job is to encourage their wisdom, not yours.

Thank your lucky stars

Coaching may be your main job or an occasional opportunity.

Either way, to be trusted to share another person's pain, challenges, and strengths remains one of life's great privileges.