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Last week, Prime Minister Stephen Harper rose in the Canadian House of Commons to apologize to native people who were removed from their families as children, then abused in residential schools owned by the government.

Many wept with relief.

A few months before, on February 13, Australian PM Kevin Rudd apologized for the grief and loss suffered by the "stolen generations", Aboriginal children who were removed from their families to be raised by whites.

Many cheered.

But both apologies arrived late, long after there was national consensus that grave wrongs had been committed.

Why Is It So Hard To Say I'm Sorry

Everyone understands that a heartfelt apology can initiate the healing of relationships and lead to growth.

Yet we rarely apologize: in government, at home, but especially in the workplace.

Our lawyers warn that apologies imply liability, which could lead to financial cost.

Our souls warn, equally loudly, that we become vulnerable when we say "I'm sorry". An apology dethrones us from our position of power. It demands humility.

Why Does An Apology Lead To Growth?

Apologies are powerful for the very same reason that they're hard to make.

They lift the persons being apologized to, into a position of equality.

Suddenly they don't have to waste valuable energy shoring up their self-esteem, or expressing anger or rebellion.

Now there's energy freed up to take care of themselves. To improve their skills or education. To build relationships. To be generous.

The person apologized to feels the ground more solid under her or his feet.

What Makes An Apology Effective?

It goes without saying that an apology must be sincere. We can't buy off those we've harmed with cleverly-chosen words that convey, "I'm sorry, sort of".

Equally, it must be accompanied by changed behavior.

It will have meaning only if we treat those we have hurt differently from now on.

The aboriginal peoples of Canada and Australia announced that they will be watching to see whether their governments actually implement policies to improve their often wretched conditions.

Behavior does matter, whether in the legislatures, homes, or workplaces.

It's said that a little humility is good for the soul. A heart-felt apology makes us better people.

And when we match our words with new, more respectful behavior, we gain allies in making this world a better place.

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